The author, Nandishi Shriram

The author, Nandishi Shriram
Colors myriad, yet a land unexplore

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Pain

There is no pain, no tears, no blood I would shed
For I see you, a heartening cry rends the air

I walk on, not looking at you, for I know
You will talk to me, not now, not ever

I move like a swan, asking you to watch me
You look away, you do not care

I glide to another world, you shed no tears, you just watch
I am now just a Light, shining for you, when you cannot see

I smile, bereft, without a voice
I cannot say to you, I love you

Yet you know, you have felt it, in your inner voice
You move away from me, walking into a solitary horizon of painted blood

In canvases that paint no desire, no tears, no joys
Only a love that could not culminate, because there was a line drawn

You could not tell me you loved me, for fear that it would be over
I understood your pain, I walked onto another world, leaving you without me

I left you longing for me, where you cannot see me, hear me, talk to me
Yet we touched, over realms invisible, with veils dropping, just a voice of unseen pain

I now rest, with thorns adorning my every shattered bone, every shard mingling with your pain
I move, writhe in shivering palpitating fever, with only you embracing my every pore

I am now in a realm, that you can only see, with your love, in pain I am, you, once more.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

The beloved is what we seek

It just happened one night
One fragmented piece of green glass

Reaches into the quagmire of my wandering soul
I, the dervish woman, seeking love

Am whirling in own web of cosmic unions
Hoping that this time, it is He

Yet I know it is not
The beauty is, the pain

I gasp everyday in the pain I have felt
Over time, this is a familiar ache that my soul needs

Walking on a timeless warp, I break, into million shattered souls
My soul now wanders once more into bereft sands of non-relative time

The Sun starts paling, the twilight hour sets in
I gaze at the yonder, wondering, is this He

I know not, it is not the one
Yet the pain, the familiar pain is there to keep

We walk on a rainy horizon, him and me
He clasps my hand, not letting me go.

I draw away, I cannot
I cannot do so, I cannot be here

My tears fall, rapidly so
He knows, he wipes them away

It is a solitary time once more
My dusty rose lies, morose on a fragrant bed

I weep, tears of joy, sadness, bliss
Yet I know not, who was He?

He caresses my lonesome cheek
Me a wandering damsel, in a search of the Beloved

I walk on, looking back to see him smile
He runs to me, with a slight gasp, I falter in my step

I walk on, letting him run to me
He knows not, it is not He

For the beloved is what we seek
I rest, in knowledge, that love is what I seek
Not one tear did she shed. She was fed up being taken for granted. Finally the chords snapped when her friend Shaila decided to be very nasty to her, over a very trivial matter. Nonita decided to cut off from everyone. It took 3 weeks for her to come to a decision. She had decided to heal her life once and for all.

She was packing her bags. It was 2 in the afternoon. Mummy had gone with Rahul to school. his boards were getting over, perfect op to pack up. Mummy would never know. Noni was scheduled to be on the 4pm train to Chandigarh, to be with her entor, Hari.

Hari was a 32 year old wisdom consultant, in short, a guru. Hari helped people get over their obstacles. Noni was being helped by him. Noni was a bright 23 year old, with all promise for a great future. Only hitch being, her folks did not permit her to work. Noni came from an affluent family, though typically narrow minded.

Mummy would wear western clothes to be in with the jain-ses.....yet at home she was very docile with in-laws etc. Noni had to wear what Mummy dictated. Horrid synthetic rubbish. Noni loved whites, cottons, funky silver. While Mummy wanted her to be always dressed in the right attire, in case the 'right boy' came along...Noni was in love with Vinay, her college mate. Vinay and she had studied in Amity together for the film making course, 3 years back. They had been in love since.

Vinay wasn't typically good looking, yet a great guy, great charisma...he oozed appeal, had a great sense of humor. Entertained Noni to the hilt. They loved each other. He understood her pain, her joys, her quietitude. He loved what she did to him in the nights, slinking into his bed, making him laugh when performing acts of pleasure. Their life was a web of rainbows. They so enjoyed each other's company. They would hold hands many a times, hug each other and just listen to some old music. Vinay loved this about her.

They wanted to marry. Vinay was well off. Mummy would of course be happy at this rishta. Noni did not agree. She would only marry Vinay once she knew her life purpose. Vinay understood. He would wait.

Noni had to heal her life.

She was born to a father who never loved her. A mother who never had time to give her a hug. Noni was a lonely child. Mummy loved Rahul though, typical indian mom syndrome.

Today was another day. At the train station, she waited anxiously to get onto the train. No one knew. Not even Vinay.

12 hours later, she was at Chandigarh station. Hari waite for her. His heart leapt into his mouth when he saw her, wearing a pristine white kurta, churidaar, a mull dupatta, silver baalis at her ears, lots of glass bangles. Noni was a picture of old world beauty. Hari was silently in love with this girl woman. He was afaid of letting her know...and did not want anything to come in the way of his healing his girl woman. So he would be very offhand with her.

Noni would be staying with him, in his guest bedroom. She had left a note behind at home to let Mummy know she would be back soon. Noni just wasn't scared of being reprimanded, in fact she had mastered the knack of working around her mother. She would do just the right thing to please Mummy, go with her for the boring lunches etc to please her and her socialite friends. Mummy would then be totally okay with her daughter.

It took 3 weeks of intensive healing for Noni to decide what she wanted finally.

Nonita cried when Hari showed her the orphanage. She knew. This is where she wanted to be. She wrote home to let them know. Mummy was silent. No reply from her or her brother Rahul. Nonita decided to make her decision now. Vinay was told. He cried. It took days of counseling from her for him to understand.

Nonita & Hari married in a simple temple ceremony. She wore a red cotton maheshwari with a gold border. He a shoti kurta. Their folks attended the wedding. Noni refused to accept any gifts except the silver diya her best friend Akshay gave her as a parting present, as a sign to illuminate her life forever. Akshay had been at her side for a long time. She shared her life with him, the way she could not with anyone. Akshay was her mate, he enjoyed being with her, she touched his heart the way no one ever did. He was sad that she would not be around. He understood. He did visit her.

They did not have children. They did not need to.

She is 50, with a husband that dotes on her. The orphanage is now supported by a UK organisation. People now look for adopting fom here.

She is at peace.

Vinay never married. He visits her. Hari knows, understands.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

A blood

He had no idea. This was a terrifying moment for him. His body shook with fear. He had seen acute madness for the very first time.

She rose from her bed, swathed with what seemed like blood. There was no fragrance, no smell, nothing.

Her eyes were glassy, staring ahead. Her long hair was a black sheath of shine, with no adornments. She had a blank expression, of nothingnes.

It was a very windy day. The skies seemed to know, there was an ominous feel to this day.

Rashi was a clairvoyant. She had occult powers. She knew.

What she did not know was this, he was sleeping with her best friend, Mandira, every night. He would cover his game with a white visual mental shield, and then a purple one so that her powers would not pierce through his dark nights. Every night, he and Mandy would meet in their friend Akshay's pg digs, make out and leave.

This would be at a time when Rashi was in deep prayer, when her ability to pierce through images, realities etc, would be at an all time low. Her third eye woudl shut off and she would be engaged in a tibetan meditation prayer.

This morning, a flower, a red one, was discovered by his wallet. She froze. Instantly she tried to tune into his days, the only time she could not tune would be when she was at prayer. He knew how to keep his dark lief hidden from her. He had the silver sword talisman that would keep her powers at bay from his sexual life.

Without asking, she let him know his time with her was up. They had been living with each other for four years now. They loved each other with a purity that very few could see. Today, all that shattered for her.

She rose from her bed, dripping with blood that started oozing from every pore. He started shaking with fear.

He knew she had the powers to destroy him with a single stroke, if she did want to. He knew she loved him, purely, madly, with every desire that he could conjure up. What he did not know was this.

She could leave him without even saying good bye.

The day she left him, he never knew what hit him.

His mother passed away suddenly within a month. His company collapsed within that very year.

He lost his dearest friend in a fatal car accident.

Rashi in the meantime, moved to Mount Abu. She is now a practising Brahmakumari. She has no desire left in her, except to serve mankind. Their daughter, Nandita is in a boarding school in Puducheri.

Rashi is at peace.

Mystic Star

As his eyes move like the wind
He pierces the very air with his captive gaze

A man made only for love, with a pure heart that few can fathom

He walks tall, with the grace of a divine God
As he carries his wanton being into the yonder

The living beings gasp in delight
For they have yet to see one so beautiful, so very clean
With the aura of a King, the benevolence of a Blessed One

We seek the material pleasures, whilst he seeks only divine grace
How did such a Being come about, a soul that has waited for centuries to come here?

I hear his pain, deeply so, I cry for him, because I know
I cannot say what I feel for him, for he has touched my heart the way no one could

I rest easy because I know now there is one who is very dear to me
I know he knows I care, my very dear soul mate

We part with joy, there is no sorrow where we are
We are two young souls, re-united

Who is this Being, whose soul I cannot touch?
For I will never actually know his depth, for I know not

He came alone, to be with himself
He sat alone, I reached out to him

He  took my hand, yet I knew
He felt alone, for what is this?

I feel the pain, yet I cannot say
For who is this very pure being?
Who has touched my soul?

A manifest

Time is but a manifest
Of things seen unseen

I walk a solitary wind
On the wheel of time

Gaze at me o lovely one
As I shed tears of pain and joy

When I gaze at the yonder
It is you that I see

Entrapped are you in my love
Against the silver shackles of time

I fly, gazing at the Sun
Spreading my wings to the solitary one

Burning, searing in heat am I
You watch me spinning a dance of death

Yet it is only a realm I am crossing
Stretching my silvery hand to you

Come join me in the heavens above
For this is where we are destined to be

One.....

A manifest

Time is but a manifest
Of things seen unseen

I walk a solitary wind
On the wheel of time

Gaze at me o lovely one
As I shed tears of pain and joy

When I gaze at the yonder
It is you that I see

Entrapped are you in my love
Against the silver shackles of time

I fly, gazing at the Sun
Spreading my wings to the solitary one

Burning, searing in heat am I
You watch me spinning a dance of death

Yet it is only a realm I am crossing
Stretching my silvery hand to you

Come join me in the heavens above
For this is where we are destined to be

One.....

She

She sang alone, a song of acute silence
Standing on the edge of a mist

Singing to none, hearing only the voices of love lost
She clasps her aching heart

A wound, gaping it is
Of many loves lost, many won

Yet nothing is what she desired
Of life and it's very being

Contented was she in a world above
With only a loving heart

She stole many hearts, with just a smile
Yet no one saw or felt those tears

Or did wipe them away, with just a tender kiss
Alone she stood in a misty forest

With only a Light filtering above
Rising slowly, she weeps

It is time, to leave
Waving goodbye to them all, leaves she

In a realm we cannot see or feel
Lies here a dusty rose, of promises yet to be seen, of a smile so unrequited, of a love yet to be seen....

Crossing Over


It's time I leave forever
There are no roads that lead any where.

I dream a solitary dream, with awakening moments of being with the chosen one.

He comes to me, in love, as a star
With promise only of things sweet

I leave him entrapped in my love
For that is the way it must be

We walk on eternal time
Together in love

He gazes ahead
With me following just behind

We cross over to realms only we can see
There is no time, no road, no wind now

It's only the illusion we so did see
We merge, forever together

It is but a solitary dream
I awaken, being with the chosen one

I dream, I weave
He knows, thee